Microwave The Stew
(What my niece was running around chanting after dinner)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope we all had fun, whatever we did.

I had fun. My sisters are both home, both Sarah and Becky, and we have had fun. Fun fun fun. Say it again. Fun.

Seriously, we had one of the best Thanksgivings we've ever had. Everyone was getting along and the conversation was good and the kids were cute and the food was great and the jokes were funny. I could relate all the kid's cuteness and all the jokes, but you wouldn't care.

After dinner, my grampa had a conversation with my parents that I caught bits of, that worries me a bit. Then my sisters and parents and John and I went to see "Emperor's Club", which is an amazing movie. Not a happy movie, but a real one. But I'm worried right now, for my grampa and for something else. So though I haven't posted in a little while, I'm not in the mood to write. Worry worry worry

I had to write this crap for one of my classes, and I just thought I'd share it.

North Koreans in Bond-age

In James Bond movies, the hero is always fighting a major threat to American supremacy, though Bond is British. In past movies, he’s fought Russia and China, I believe. I’ve never actually seen a James Bond movie, but I’m fairly sure I can remember him sneaking into Chinese embassies and such like.

In the latest movie, he’s fighting North Korea. Is that not slightly indicative of something? Why is he not fighting Iraq, taking down Saddam Hussein? Perhaps the desert is not exotic enough, perhaps they could not find a location to film in that would fit the Iraqi landscape. Or perhaps because Iraq is not so scary. North Korea is a big, powerful, “evil” nation that is a threat to everyone. They blatantly lied to the entire world, and now are openly producing weapons of mass destruction. They are an international fear, whereas Iraq is just our personal paranoia who have taken no actions outside of their borders for years.

The Benefits of Terrorism?

Gas is $1.12. $1.12!!! That’s amazing, especially since it was $1.36 last week. I know I personally would not want to question how this miracle has happened, I enjoy very much filling up my tank for under ten dollars. But it does make one wonder what’s going on.

Reported on NPR, I heard that America is buying huge amounts of oil from Saudi Arabia. It must be darn huge amounts to have driven the price down so far. Why so suddenly are we making nice to Saudi Arabia? Well, we’ve always exchanged oil for protection with middle eastern countries, especially Saudi Arabia. But last week, the Saudi King died. There’s been a major power shift, the details of which I’m not sure about. But something happened, someone is now in power, that has either made us much more friendly towards SA, has made them much more in need of protection, or has scared us into buying enough oil for “the duration”.

Though if the latter were the case, the government would probably freeze the price so that no one would be alarmed and so that the oil would last. So it’s probably one or both of the first two options.

Follow the Trail

Where has all the money gone? It’s not just Oklahoma that’s running out of public funds. New York is raising property taxes by 18%, as well as implementing a new wages tax. All over the country, states are running out of money and going to extreme measures to solve the problem. Here, we cut our schools funding. There, they put taxes on rich people. I like their idea better.

But if all this money is running short all over the country, where is it going? Yes, the country is in an economic slump, but didn’t we just have a lot of extra dough to blow? Weren’t we worried about that at one point? So where’s the money?

The only place I can see, the end of the line for America’s public funds, is defense. Hundreds of government agents have been reassigned to Homeland security, thousands have been hired. All this “war on terrorism” is costing us money. And maybe we’re feeling the crunch.

Diversity

At some college on the east coast, I can’t remember which, they have voted to add
”diversity seats” to the student government. They are electing representatives of minorities to their student governments to “have their voice heard”.

What school decisions need to be made with the interests of the Latino or Asian population, or any ethnicity, represented? What interests are they representing? I don’t understand why “having their voice heard” is a part of student government. Are they trying to make sure that there are cultural foods in the Student Union? Or that the lights in the classrooms are at the proper level so as to not irritate their skin pigment? Because that’s the only difference between these students. Certainly, they bring their “cultural backgrounds” and experiences, but experiences and backgrounds are richly diverse in ways that have nothing to do with the color of skin.

If we wanted equality between races, why are we now separating them again? Making it part of the government, even the student government, makes it official that we still consider different races to be foreign. If a student can’t be represented by a student of another skin color, how far have we really come in the fight against prejudice?

At that same school, a conservative ran for one of the diversity seats. He lost. There were only 2 conservative professors at that school, and if that doesn’t make the conservatives a minority I don’t know what does. Our ideas are what make us different, our policies are what we should have representation for. Diversity comes from the mind, not the skin.

Who’s Really the Majority?

The Republicans won the election. They are the majority. They control the House and the Senate. Go them.

But within universities, the corporate world, and the entertainment industry, everyone seems to be a Democrat.

It’s hard to tell really, what this could mean. The Republicans are making the laws, but the Democrats control our minds. The Republicans can control those Democratically held industries, but if those industries are influencing us, the voters, and we’re supposed to have control over our representatives in Congress, the Democrats can control the lawmaking. The Republicans can’t take too many steps to the right, and the Democrats can’t go too far left. They hold each other by the tail. They have each other in check.

In check. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? As in checks and balances? Though our three branches of government seem to be running a little wild, the executive going crazy on Foreign Policy, the judicial and legislative wasting a lot of time, we can see that another system of checks and balances is emerging naturally. I’ll bet, if we watch the polls as they come in as we settle into our new cycle, that the public opinion may begin to swing towards the middle.

Josephine And Her Professor

I won! Woo! I won my HI! Well, technically I didn't win win. I got second place. But thats good enough for me. Now I'm qualified to compete in Regionals, so I dont need to worry about this event any more. And I can still compete in it, in the non-qualifying Champs rounds, to keep my script in tip top shape. I'm majorly pumped. I can work on an OO (Original Oratory) or HD (Humorous Duet) or even a DI (Dramatic Interpretation) if I want.

Honest and truly, I was the best one in there. I'm not being arrogant, I was. The reason I got second was I missed a beat. My script is really fast paced, and you can tell if I mess up. I forgot a line, and I had to make it up but I paused for just a moment. The girl who got first, she wasn't funny or creative but she was solid. She messed up too, but she had more characters and kept up a steady performance. She was definitally not funny or interesting and her script was veeeeeery long. All my judges ranked me second, and I knew that was the worst I could do because the other kids were horrid. Positively atrocious. I didn't see one of them, but the ones I did see actually gave up. They didn't even get through their scripts. Both were after me. They literally saw my performance and gave up. Booyah! Yes, I am that good.

But we had lots of fun out in Mounds, OK. My friend Will was tormenting the kids from Carver. Not really. He was telling them he was from Mounds, acting super white. "What's a ghetto? I live in Mounds." "Luda? Luda? Who is Luda?" "Am I rockin the hizzy? Do you want to go farm?" Will's pretty darn funny, most often in ways I could not relate in print. If you ever meet him, I guarantee you shall laugh.

I am the happiest girl in the world. John is coming into town after practice tomorrow, and we'll have the whole day together. Having now told all those close to me personally, I can say now that John and I are, as the vernacular goes, "dating". Though it is so much more and better than that. Inexpressable happiness. I won't be sappy here. I have other arenas for that. If I let myself, I could go on about him for days. I have found the one that Chris Staples told me to find in "Indian In Your Eyes". He is like a favorite sweater. A perfect fit, so comfortable, and full of character for being so.

Ars Poetica Amoris

Alright, time for a little culture. I bring you now a few select sonnets from the lovely Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Sonnets From The Portuguese".

XIV.
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
`I love her for her smile ... her look ... her way
Of speaking gently, ... for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'--
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

XX.
Beloved, my Beloved, when I think
That thou wast in the world a year ago,
What time I sate alone here in the snow
And saw no footprint, heard the silence sink
No moment at thy voice ... but, link by link,
Went counting all my chains, as if that so
They never could fall off at any blow
Struck by thy possible hand ... why, thus I drink
Of life's great cup of wonder! Wonderful,
Never to feel thee thrill the day or night
With personal act or speech,--nor ever cull
Some prescience of thee with the blossoms white
Thou sawest growing! Atheists are as dull,
Who cannot guess God's presence out of sight.

XXII.
When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curvéd point, -- what bitter wrong
Can the earth do to us, that we should not long
Be here contented ? Think. In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us, and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Belovèd, -- where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day,
With darkness and the death-hour rounding it.
XXVI.
I lived with visions for my company,
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, -- their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then THOU didst come ... to be,
Belovèd, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendours, (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts)
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants --
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.

Sigh.

De Asini Umbra Disceptare

I am such a big disgusting man. I just ate two gorditas and a taco and a big thing of diet pepsi while watching The Osbornes. And then I burped. I think I rate about a 10 on the ill-mannered scale.

I have to go back out to Mounds in about an hour or so. My HI round is at 4:30 and I have to get gas and pick up Jen. This round'll be no sweat, I never worry about performing. Just debating, that was tough.

I think my favorite debate was really the one where I lost. It was the only one where we were really pitting ideas against ideas. The others were just my skill and poise over their disheveled-ness. Thats what debate is supposed to be, I suppose. But those rounds, those are the ones that Megan and the other debaters all complain about. Because it's harder to win when it's about the issues and not about trouncing another person's phrasing. Megan had been pitting her concepts of Subjective Reality and DeCarte's philosophy against someone promoting a free marketplace of ideas as a means of truth, and that's a real barnburner of an arguement. I would have loved to have heard what they'd said. It would have been so interesting. But Megan hated it, because she couldn't win.

Debate, it's just crazy. I like to be around it, for the sake of the ideas, but I dont wanna be a part of it. Like I told Mr B, I enjoy writing cases but I dont want to have to defend them. Debate is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't wanna live there.

And My Value Is . . .Quality Of Life

Could I be any happier? Debate is over, forever, and I did not freeze up. I handled myself with poise, and thats all I cared about. I did "win" three out of four of my rounds, but one was a forfeit, one was against a guy who did just what I was afraid to do, and froze up, and one was against a guy who was so flustered he dropped his papers and his case barely made sense. My round that I lost was against the only real opponent I faced. I did ok against her, but not spectacular. I'm a little less than a solid debater, I'm a half decent, natural sounding debater. Who's never going to do it again.

But it's over! And I had fun messing around with Megan (aka M-Ro) and Mr. B. We raced home, and my little Geo Prizm beat his little Isuzu truck. My car has a new name, The Speed Racah'.

I'm just about the happiest girl in the world. My cup runneth over, and God's reminders seem to be working.

"Sleeping with your head on my chest, you're the one that knew me the best" -Denison Witmer

Quaking In My Boots

I don't want to dwell on it because I'll just get worked up again, but I'm competing in L/D tomorrow. I will do fine. I will not freeze up. It's only two rounds, three at most, and I can handle it. I am confident and smart. I will be fine.

I had a lovely time in Claremore tonight. I went out to see John and The Tree was having some crazy worship rock show thing. It was some crazy kid's wierd nu metal, pop punk outfit where the lead singer rolled around on the ground like a bug, then Chemical X who have some really stupid moments but for the most part are tolerable, though John says I'm a better lead singer than her, and then, and this is really their name, Rock and Roll Worship Circus. I keep wanting to call them Rock and Roll Magical Mystery Circus. They were, in a word, lame. And they made me angry. "We got 15 kids saved last night!" Woo, go you. You taught 15 kids to rely on hype for their salvation. But where will you be when the glitz from your "worship circus" wears off and those kids are left with nothing more than a few catch phrases and hollow lines, their hands burned from your spiritual fireworks?

But I had fun with Johnny McGray.

A Certain Shade of Grey

Yo yo, check it. I ain't got nuttin to say.

I may drop L/D for the tournament this weekend. I got up today to do a practice round, and I just totally froze. I couldn't think of anything. I was afraid this would happen. I don't know that I'm fast enough on my feet for this, I knew this would be where my deficiency would lie. My case is really good, my logic is sound. It's just a matter of thinking fast enough, and I don't. It's ok, I dont' mind. And I think Mr. B is cool with it, I sorta talked to him but he had to go to a meeting really quickly. He said we could talk about it first thing tomorrow morning.

But Megan, our senior debater, she's another story. She really believes in me, but not like Mr B does. She thinks she knows bet for me. We talked about it, and she plans on dragging me kicking and screaming into my L/D rounds, if I like it or not. She'll be mad at me if I drop.

But all I wanna do is read and write and work on my HI. HI is fun. All I have to do is memorize it and I get to just have fun and act goofy. I was never afraid to do that. Nervous, yes, but I was always confident that I could at least get by and have fun doing it. With L/D, I'm fairly confident that I cannot get by. And I think I know myself well enough to know where my limits lie. I resent being told that I do not.

Oh well, I go now to memorize and read David Copperfield.

"Find yourself someone who sees you like the way you do now, baby yeah" -Twothirtyeight
Consider it done.

Juvenile Transforming Penguin Knights

The internet is far too large a playground for some people. Things like this are the result.

How did the show "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" come into existence? At what drug addled brainstorming session did someone say, "Hey, what if we took turtles and had them fight crime as ninjas! And hey! What if we named them after Renaissance artists?! That would be so cool!" and was supported in that idea? Really, what kind of wierd inside information did they have about children's brains? Did they monitor the dreams of 7 year old kids and found that children enjoy insane combinations of ethnicities and animals? Adolescent Italian born Eastern warrior terrapins. Who would have thought?

AP Euro draws out some of the wierdest discussion.

Hosea! Pablo! Diego! Carlos!

The Days Are Just Packed

How productive can I get? Seriously. In the past two days I have written a song, resolved a major conflict at school, written both my debate cases, written an essay that was meant to be an over the weekend assignment, unclogged a toilet, read and graded four essays, read all my assignments for both AP classes, and dispatched assignments for the next issue of the paper. Most of this I did this afternoon, getting nearly all my obligations out of the way for the rest of the week. Work can be done amazingly quickly when you have something to look forward to.

But honestly, I'm so happy I got all that out of the way. The debate cases have been a huge weight on my back for weeks. I finally got my crap together during class today, thanks to Mr B for putting up with my whining, and wrote them both up as soon as I got home. And the essay that was supposed to be a weekend assignment? That was a vindictive assignment by my AP Euro teacher. She is supposed to give me an extra day for an excused absence. She assigned it on Friday when I was gone, and is refusing to give me the time that the rest of the class had. Well, I got it all done this afternoon, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. She's not really mean, but absences and late work are her real hard lines.

Why was I gone on Friday? Seeing Harry Potter! Yeah baby. That's one good freakin movie. But I stick with the first one as better. This one felt choppy, I guess because the actual book was longer. For those of you who've read the books, the high points of this one are Dobby, Gilderoy Lockhart, Moaning Myrtle, Tom Riddle, Lucius Malfoy, and Dumbledore's office. Low points are Ginny Weasley, the basilisk, the end scene, the lack of the Death Day party, and the shortness of the scenes in The Burrow. For those of you who haven't read those amazing and addictive books, or think they're full of pagan values and horror, I pity you. If you think those last two sentences are in code, haha, they are!

I was talking it over with my mom, and I realized that all the HP books have a kind of a thesis to them. The thesis or theme, is always stated by Dumbledore, the headmaster of the school, in the scene right after Harry and his friends have come back from their dangerous adventure, but it never seems like thats what the book is leading up to. It's there, but it's hidden, the lesson. In In Sorcerer's Stone, it is, " . . . to have been loved so deeply, even after the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." In the Chamber of Secrets, it is "It is our choices that show who we are, Harry, far more than our abilities." In Prisoner of Azkaban, my favorite book so far, it is, "The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed." And finally, in Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore roars in righteous indignation, "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow up to be!" Man, I love those books. If I ever write a children's book, I'd hope I could write one like those. Funny, interesting to both children and adults. I'd hope I could create a place where, when they read about it, people would want to live in. A universe that people would want to visit over and over. I'd hope I could create characters that were real and accesible and endearing.

A very sad day has come to TSAS. Our financial troubles are deep. We do not have enough funding to even cover basic operating costs like rent, utilities and the teacher's salaries. That's not even including supplies and text books. Every tangible object in that building was payed for by some kind of grant or donation. None of the school's budget goes towards buying supplies. All of our funding from the state goes directly to paying the bills, and it's not even enough to cover that. How sad and pathetic is that? We hold fundraisers to pay the electric bill. It makes me absolutely furious to think about, especially when our lawmakers have the third heightest salaries in the nation. Doesn't it just make you sick? The best school in Tulsa suffers, while our congressmen languish in Ferraris and hot tubs.

As it stands, the school will be 60,000 dollars in debt by the end of the year. Fundraising and practically begging has done little good. Only 20% of the parents have donated the money we'd need per student. So today, we had to let a teacher go.

Don't worry, it wasn't Mr. B. Nor was it Ellen or Jan or Sobkoviak or any of my favorites. But it was the favorite teacher. The one that every kid loves, even if they don't have him. Mr. David Blust, the photography teacher. David to us. Everyone loves him. He's the funniest, funnest, most good natured teacher I have ever come across. He commands respect from his students while still being so lenient as to let them have smoke breaks during long darkroom sessions. He dressed up as a savage for Halloween and ran around the school with a death rattle and a tribal "beating" stick all day. He's always laughing, always joking. He will stand up for his students, he will always go to the mat for them. Last year, the building superintendent was being rude to some of David's students and I happened to be there when David found out how his kids had been treated. He really let that man have it, all for the sake of defending the least members of his class. Countless times have I seen him stand up to Mrs Kelly for the sake of the art students. The loss of him has drawn many tears from many eyes, mine included.

But it was the only thing that could make sense. It had to be a full time teacher, because if they let go a part timer, it wouldn't be enough and we'd lose more than one. And David isn't a certified teacher, he isn't teaching any AP classes, and doesn't even have a college degree. To the statistical eye, outside of the school, he's no great loss. His class load was the lightest of any teacher. He didn't have as many students in all of his classes as Mrs Lee has in three of hers. But from the inside, his loss is plainly felt.

Sure, I understand that he's not dead. But I'm not overreacting. Letting a teacher go, this is like cutting off an arm to us. Like chosing between your children. Our situation is so bleak as to have driven us to something this drastic. We should be rejoicing. This move has gotten us out of debt. But how can we be happy when it cost us so much? It is sad, when kids have to worry, "Does my teacher have enough credentials to stay on? Will my mentor be fired?" I thank God that Mr. B can teach several subjects and has a baby to support. My heart is so heavy.

And Mrs. Lee's is too. I have seen her cry several times since David was let go. She would have done anything, anything to keep David on the staff. But the Board of Control (whom Mr. B has rightly pronounced, several times, as evil. They control the money for the school, and though I do not know who is on it, their bueracratic standards and penny pinching ways lead to much strife in the land of TSAS) wouldn't let her. The poor woman. The poor man. The poor school.

On a happier financial note, the Debate team had a garage sale this weekend and raised $500, when we were only shooting for $300. And we are getting two late model cars DONATED to us, to sell and keep the profits. We'll be giving all the money we don't need for tournament fees back to the school. Journalism club has given it's entire budget to the school. We can buy our own digital camera next year.

Thankless

Squad 5 O is silly. They made me laugh with joy, the way you'd laugh at little kids running through sprinklers and squealing. They just had fun. Made me wish I wasn't so cool these days.

AAC played awesomely, opening for Squad. My theory that they play better with large crowds is continually being confirmed. Even if they did have a few technical difficulties, they were spectacular. I laughed for joy during their set too, but the way you'd laugh when you see your mother being given a really great present. I was so happy for them, to be playing so rockin'. There's nothing on this planet that brings me greater happiness than seeing my friends do well.

I have so many things to do and so little time to do them. Harry Potter opens tomorrow, and I'll be skipping school to go see that with Jen and my mom and some other folks perhaps. That'll give me a brief respite, because it gives me an extra day on my AP Euro homework. But I have a tournament next weekend (NEXT weekend) and I haven't got either of my cases written nor do I have my script at all memorized. I am insane for signing up for two events. Why did Mr B let me do that? I'll rip out my hair, I know it. I suppose I'll just prioritize and not worry about my HI. There's plenty of time for that later. But the L/D, I need to buckle down on that. I can do it. I can.

I am faced with a very great dillema, my friends. One that has nothing to do with school assignments or obligations, but much to do with priority. You think these kinds of things only happen in the movies or on Saved By The Bell. But I don't think this will be resolved in a neat half hour slot. I don't even think a two-parter can get Zach and Kelly out of this one.

In The Interest Of Alchemy

So tonight I have a little time to myself, having plowed through enough of my AP homework that I feel I can give myself a break.

Let me tell you about my new classes. I'll avoid speaking of my second hour class, because it is currently being the bane of my existence. And it's not going to stay the way it is, but it may still yet be the bane. It's so confusing and evil, I won't attempt to get into that now.

My new third hour is just about the coolest ever. AP Senior English, and it's positively lovely. Just a bunch of friends sitting around, talking about literature. It's like maybe 14 kids, and everyone's mom, Ellen Stackable. We're doing David Copperfield first, and I did not know Dickens could be so entertaining. Usually he gets on my nerves, but Copperfield is positively delightful. I'm glad that it's 2 inches thick. (I know it's that thick because Braxton measured it.) And the kids in the class, all cool people. It's all the seniors that get along and are funny and smart. I'm not only happy about that class for all the great literature wer're going to read (and there's a lot of that) but also for the oppurtunity to become closer with the other seniors. Sometimes Jill and I and the debate team section ourselves off and thus we don't get invited to join them much. Not that I'd want to, but the sentiment should be there for a solid senior class.

But if AP English is just about the coolest, AP European History is THE coolest. I love history classes beyond any other class. Nothing is so condusive to joking and fun than the history of the world. I have never laughed so much as I did in Pre AP World in sophmore year, or AP US last year. And I have the best people to laugh with. Jen, Jill, Nathan, Allison, Megan, and also Rachel Manchester, Zach Kilburn, Sean Al-Jibouri and Christin McMahon (who has my shoes). All these people are really great and none are stuck up. Jan is teaching it, same lady who taught my American Foreign Policy class, which Zach, Sean and I had together, and she's great too. Laid back, funny, knowledgable. Just the right balance of lecture and discussion, projects and reading. Already, Jill and I are keeping a log of all the funny things being said in that class.

And the best part? That class meets in Mr. B's room, right after lunch. So I don't have to move for two hours! Awesome. Plus, I got my coffee and my sofa right there.

In Journalism, we have some new kids and we also moved to a new room. We're in the computer lab now, so I have access to Quark and Adobe and all kinds of programs to make the paper rad. Plus, we have a real layout editor now, who, though he's nerve gratingly annoying, knows what he's doing and is willing to listen to me. In Debate we have about fifty new kids and I'm about to split open all of their heads for disturbing the peace of our room. No music now, they'll just make fun of it. No intellectual discussion, they don't have the capacity. No quiet conversations with Mr B, they're constantly demanding his attention. The coffee bar is ravaged by their freshman hands. They leave my mugs in the sink, dirty with coffee grinds and sugar residue, wasting the coffee they didn't even want and only took because they wanted to look cool in the eyes of we older kids. But then when we try to make them part of the class, which involves paying their dues as "newbies" and "kiddos" and understanding the hierarchy, they just act like obstinate children. Whenever you join an organization, you have to accept the way it runs. They want to storm in and be loud and goofy and expect us to respect them. Not on your life.

And perhaps most annoyingly, my friend Will, who's not technically in the class but competes with us so he comes sometimes, and Mr B feel the need to "perform" for these little mealworms. So there are Will and Paul, dancing like trained monkeys and drawing out laughs from the children so as to keep them entertained, and I stand by in vague disgust.

ANYWAY, I'm sure it will get better. They won't stick around long, and they're good manpower for our garage sale this weekend. Did you know about that? The Debate team is having a garage sale on Saturday, everyone! At my old house, 7205 E. 65th Pl. Email or call me for directions. So I'll be busy most of Friday night, setting that up, and Saturday morning and afternoon too, for those of you that care about that sort of thing. But everyone must come to the sale. We need your money. And if you have things to donate, we'll take those too. Bring them by my old house on Friday afternoon, after 4.

Last night was Twothirtyeight. I was not blown away, not like last time. But I was very very happy. You can't explode every time. I was simply content, full. I would have loved for them to play on for hours and hours, filling me with the sound and the words, me standing there singing and stomping and listening. They pushed every other thought out of my mind, I was strong and pure of mind. I would have remained that way for days.

Just when you think life holds no more suprises for you, when you think that some things will never happen to you, they do.

Teutonic Knights. Good band name?

I Wish They'd Played All Night

Twothirtyeight is amazing, and some people ruin everything. I'll update when I get a chance to breathe.

Dreams Do Come True

If I haven't already told you, I am officially now in a band. I am the official lead singer of Against Better Judgement!

I've been practicing with John lately, which I've mentioned in here, but I never explicitly stated what was going down with that. But now I have tried out, auditioned, and been approved by all members of the band. Chris Bruffet and Kevin both think I'm good enough, and I am now a rock star in the making. Yeah!

How long have I wished for this? Since I was 13, I've dreamed of being in a band. I've longed for it. I never thought it would happen, I'd given it up as an idle dream years ago. But look, here it is. I'm a simple music geek who's managed to wrangle her way into the thing she admires. I feel like a Trekkie who just got a walk on part on an episode of Deep Space Nine. How many big doofuses like me would give anything for this chance? Man, I hope I can do this.

I can, I know I can. This will be . . . awesome! I got so excited when I realized that I get to name the songs. That I'll make them up, and people will call them that. Wow! John and Kevin think I'm weird for getting so excited about that, but I suppose the novelty has worn off for them. I can't wait to see my name on the website. "Jamie-lead vocals" Eeeeee! Look at that! I may just die with the excitement.

Useless

I should be doing the rest of my prep work for AP English, which starts Monday, but I'm not. But I'm allowed to not be, because I'm in a crummy mood.

Why can't I get advice from God? I can get inspiration. I can open myself and BAM, all this amazing crap comes into my head. If I just let go of trying, he'll hit me with all these revelations. But when I have a descision to make, why can't I have that "guidance" that so many others seem to rely on so heavily? I need some specific revelations here, and I'm not anywhere near them.

I missed out on Aqueduct. College stinks. Boys stink. Gimme some answers.

The Big Day

I'll start this off with the weather this morning. Who else was up and driving around 9 AM? Because the way the wind was blowing and the sun was shining, it was like a car commerical. It was so perfect, like driving through a big tunnel of light and color. The leaves were everywhere, the air was full of them; red gold purple yellow. Everywhere. They danced along the sidewalks and across the street, like a troupe of fairies or small creatures, unfazed by the monstrous beasts of automobiles. The cars speed and the wind blew and the leaves danced.

Today was the last day of the session at school, so it was half crazy half lazy. For me it was mostly lazy. But it was a very fun day, everyone was laughing and spouting jokes because of finals stress, excitement for the end of session and for the show that night. Joe brought us Chinese food for lunch, and we blasted New Order as loud as we could. Everything was just so how it is meant to be. All afternoon I sat in the commons, shoes off and feet up, feeling like I was at home and had 250 roommates.

After school I went right to the church for Serenade Night. And yes, I was dreading it. But when I walked in, I felt better. I mean, it was just my friends, my roommates. I got up onstage and messed around with the mike, but then Mrs. Arndt (the director) came in and started drilling me, and I got nervous again. Then Sterling said how funny I was, and I felt better. Then Megan told me my jokes were stale and I was scared again. Then I saw the jazz band play and knew even if I sucked they'd be good and felt better. Then I saw how unorganized everything was and knew it'd be bumbling and I felt worse. It went back and forth like that all evening. One moment confident, next nervous.

But I had little time to care. Somehow, I became in charge of things. How does this always happen? I see a job that needs to be done and do it, and then another job comes up, and then another, and soon everyone is asking me for instructions on what to do. The chairs were missing, and Mrs Arndt asked me to find some. The servers were lost so I found them a job. The choir didn't know how to get on and off stage quickly so I practiced them. No one else was gonna do it. So I did. And that just led to more things being asked of me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping. I'm glad that it ended up going off without a hitch. It's just wierd how this happens.

But as for my actual performance? I'm told I was great. I was confident, funny, informative, interesting and of all things, cute. I've never been told I was cute by strangers, but I was tonight. If you wanna know how I really feel about how I did, I think I did darn good. I made them laugh and I wasn't akward. I wasn't hilarious, but I did my job and more. I didn't just tell 'um the acts, but I told them about all the other stuff going on at TSAS too. I had a few moments that were just great, that I timed perfectly and had just the right expression. I think with practice, this could be totally something I could do. I like hosting, I have a knack for it. I've done acting and improv for forever, but this was just me being me.

Pride in TSAS ran so high tonight. Everyone was just swelling with it. The jazz band was spectacular. People were dancing and clapping and hooping and hollering for them. The soloists were great, and the musicians just fed off the energy of the crowd. I've never heard them play so well. A couple of my staff from the paper came to cover it, and even they, jaded and bitter seniors they are, said they were proud of us. If only we'd had a school song, I think we would have blown the roof off singing it.

After the show was over, Kayla, Jill, Ash, Karen, and Al (who had all come to the show because they're about the coolest friends ever. Oh wait, they are indeed the coolest friends ever) came to el my house. It was so nice and warm and fuzzy, to be with friends who you are comfortable with after you know you've done a good job. Jill had to leave, but the boys came over (and I'm sure they would have come tonight too if they hadn't had a show) and that was even better.

It's been a really great day. An exhausting one, a fufilling one, a satisfied one. A job well done in the work of life.

"Jamie, you're so great. You should be our mascot. We should be the TSAS Jamies!" -a freshman to me after my final act

Is It Gross Or Funny When . . .

You're singing along to a really pretty song and you sound great but then you burp loudly and disgustingly in the middle of a note?

Who new someone from the right wing could be so darn cute? And the bow tie? Priceless. CNN ought to hire a few more like him. And the political egotism he emits makes me swoon.

Ok, so the elections have come and gone. I followed them in passing, but not as closely as I could have because I can't do anything about it. I was more keen on the results, just to be informed of what changes may be coming about. Republicans aren't all bad, I'm sure. I mean, Tucker is one!

Actually, I hate political parties. I think they really destroy democracy and politics and they were never meant to be a part of the American government. I would love to see them destroyed, or multiply. This bipartisan thing is horrid. The world is expanding and progressing, people are becoming aware of new cultures and new ideas, and yet our politics are stuck in 1870.

So I worked on my case today with PB Scribbles and it's a little stronger. Hopefully tomorrow I can flesh it out completely. And I found an AMAZING script for my HI. It's absolutely perfect, I'm so excited about it. I will kill with this piece. If I don't qualify in the first tournament with it, this world holds no justice.

As for Serenade Night, I've decided I'm not going to try to be funny. I'm just going to be charismatic and interesting. Thats what I am, anyway. I'm not a funny person, I'm just fun. I don't make jokes, I am a joke. I'll just go up there and talk like I do here, eloquently and casually. When I have no interruptions, I can flow pretty well. I'll just work on being a stage presence, not a stand up comedian.

The new Harry Potter movie comes out next week and I am beside myself with excitement. Really, I am. I look to my left and there I am. That was dumb. But no really, we're sticking with tradition and skipping school to see it, Jen, Jill, my mom and I. I think Joe may come this year too. And Lord Of The Rings is out next month, but tradition for LOTR is all of TSAS going together the day it opens after school. I've avoided seeing any previews or devouring any leaked information, following the Jillian Reynolds school of movie viewing. She says it's better to be totally suprised. We'll see. But I have a small niggling fear that they may go a bit overboard on this one. I already know that they exaggerated the final battle scene, and shots of Draco Malfoy spinning through the air make me think they bulked up the dueling too. Hmm, action and adventure is all well and good, but if they turn my Hogwarts into a WWF arena, I'll kill 'em. Unforgiveable Curse my foot, Avada Kadavra all the way.

Why does anyone read this? I must be the only person in the world who understands all of my personal inside jokes.

I Need A Map

I'm afraid I may be in over my head when it comes to debate. I think I may not be logical enough. It takes a lot of structural thinking to be able to craft a quality debate case, and we all know that Jamie is not great with logistics. I get confused by standardized tests registration. Why do I think I can create something as complex as a debate case? Everytime I think I have an idea, Megan or Mr B tell me it's not strong enough. I want to do it, but I don't think I can.

Maybe I can just wait out this topic. Maybe I can do it later on in the year. I love the IEs anyway, the individual events. Maybe I should just focus on HI (humorous interp) and OO (original oratory) for right now. I could do those no sweat and enjoy them. They're up my alley, right up it. LD Debate is kind of around the corner.

I was working on my case last night and I got so frustrated I couldn't even look at it. I started reading the mythology I need to read before AP English starts, but that was so boring (since I already know it) I started to fall asleep. So I just went to bed, at 11:30. I woke up at 8. Was I that mentally exhausted?

On the way home last night, I saw some roadkill. I think it was a wombat.

Retro Bill For Corporate Commissioner

I gave my big final presentation on the Columbian drug cartels and the War on Drugs today. My group ran way over, I think we took half an hour to get through all our arguements and data. And I had to go last, since I was heading the presentation and had to make sure any dropped points were picked up. So I was talking a mile a minute and when I have to talk fast, I get excited. I was speaking with a lot of passion and vehemency, and apparently the other groups thought that was funny. So I had to watch some of my friends giggling at me from the back of the room, for which they got me and the other Jayme making "I love FARC" gestures during their presentations.

I enjoyed talking to the panel we had judging our presentations. It was a member of the DA's office, a public defense lawyer, the senior narcotics officer from the Tulsa Police, and "Joe Concerned Citizen" which was actually the photography teacher. But the two lawyers were great sources of information when it comes to rehabilitation and imprisonment of drug offenders. I learned a lot, but most of it supported my idea that rehab treatment should be mandatory for anyone addicted to cocaine, heroine and the like.

Things said during the presentations that made me laugh:
-"You've helped us see what really goes down on the streets"
-"Opposition from the left wingers"
-"Helping Columbia out of their little slump"

I have borrowed/stolen New Order-Get Ready from Jen. Thats a great CD, great 80s band comeback. Techno rock with capilleries of new wave influence. Great for highway driving. Coming home from Claremore today I was going 80 mph because the music is just so "driving". ha

I think John Gray currently ranks as the funniest person I know. Practicing with him is so entertaining, especially when he's gotten not near enough sleep and sits looking at his guitar for half a minute trying to remember what he was going to play. And when he's funny on purpose, that's good too.

Broken Tape Decks and Broken Dreams

My car stereo is being wierd. Yesterday it was spitting out tapes after five seconds, today it is incapable of rewinding. It'll rewind it one way for a little while, then switch and go the other way! Whee, it's fun! I'm sure the tape is having fun on that little carnival ride, but I'm getting very annoyed. I can't listen to music and I can't practice in the car. But I'm afraid to complain to my parents because the car has been having so many problems lately, I'm afraid they'll just sell it and make me take my grandfather's offer of a new car when I graduate early. I don't care if Millificent is a little sick, I don't wanna lose her.

Here's an interesting study I found. Just thought it was intriguing.

I got a letter from an Ivy League school today, Bryn Mawer? I think that's it. My mom says it's one of the "seven sisters" colleges. But they want me to come there and study science and biology. Interesting what one AP test score can do. An invite from an Ivy League school, how fun. Why haven't I gotten any from schools wanting me to come and get degrees in History? I got a four on that one too. Oh well, I think it's cute that they want me to come get a Biology degree. I'll show it to PB Scribbles (Mr. B) and he'll be proud.

Listening to Jawbreaker and Jets To Brazil makes me sad and reminds me of long quiet nights spent driving through east Tulsa and rummaging through mix tapes.

Jealousy As Inspiration

Megan found me the site of my dreams. I am in love with L/D Debate.org. It is a sight of total uninterest to most of the world and probably all of my readers, but to me it is a veritable wonderland of cases, philosophy, politics and people even more arrogant and pretentious than me. You wanna see something indicative of how seriously debaters take themselves? Check this out. Megan started this thread on the message board, just to see what they'd do. I dont know if you'll get as big a laugh out of it as we did, but we all thought it was a riot.

So I have been totally dry when it comes to putting my ideas into words. I've been reading three new books, listening to lots of new music, studying all kinds of new subjects, and yet I can't get any of it on paper. No reviews, no philosopical rambles, no opinion essays. It's very strange. I blame it on the news feature I had to write last week. Ever since I had to force that huge kidney stone of an article out of me, I've been journalistically dead. (Sorry for the analogy)

Speaking of journalism, I've hit my first real roadblock with The Beak. I made my layout editor cry. Gah, I hate girls. Why do we cry so much? Jeez louise. I think she was just having a bad day or something, it was bad timing. But I found out she's been editing people's articles behind my back, as she puts them into the layout. She told me a couple weeks ago that there were some minor spelling and grammatical errors, and I told her to go ahead and fix them, trusting her. Because technically, she's not allowed to touch the text at all. That is utterly out of her juristidiction. But I figured it'd be ok for her to make sure all the names were spelled right, or if I'd missed a comma somewhere. But today I find out she's deleting entire passages and rearranging sentence structure. Big no no. I got a little steamed, and rightly so, but I didn't really let go on her. I told her that I didn't realize that's what she'd been doing, and I asked if I could see it as soon as possible. She also refused to make the text uniform, and I told her that it really ought to be since its a NEWSPAPER and all, not some goofy newsletter. But I didn't say that. I talked to Mrs Williams and she agreed with me, and I don't know what happened then, but someone told me that they saw Kate (the layout editor) crying. So that makes two girls I've made cry. Great, just great.

Serenade Night this Friday, woo? I'm not sure if I'm excited or not. I'm gonna end up just being totally dull or, as Mr. B speculates, I'll be thought of as "cute". Lovely.

For anyone who didn't see, Chris is amazing. Très beau, mon petit pamplemousse.

One of the books I've been reading is a book by Steve Turner (two links there) called "Hungry For Heaven: Rock and Roll and the Search for Redemption". It's officially a history of how rock music has been influenced by and infused with religion from the get-go and still is. It's very good, but gets a little frustrating if you read it as just one long arguement for the above thesis. I'm enjoying it as A) a history of rock music and B) an overview of modern religions. It's helping me to understand a lot of the adult pop psyce when it comes to religion; why people are so touchy about the occult and say things like, "I'm a very spiritual person, but I don't believe in God." I never understood all this worrying about "spiritual life" without an actual belief system. I'm seeing how big a part "spirituality" as a whole played in the formative years of those who are adults now. And it was, to use Turner's phrase, "a religious salad bar where the spiritually hungry could take thier plates and design their own religious system." I'd realized that people did this, but I never realized how linked with pop culture and music it was. I wonder if the patrons of those musicians, the people of those turbulent decades (60s and 70s) realize the effect their rock god's religions had on them.

I'm also re-reading "Mere Christianity" which has resulted in a song, "Mere Accountability", which sounds like an angry condemnation of an ignorant and pompous opponent, but is really a slightly injured appeal to a hero for understanding. I'll put it up here later, the song. If I'm allowed to.

My week shall be busy, presentation tomorrow in AFP and practice in Claremore. Presentation in computers and then going to 180 (haha) with Ash on Wednesday. Maybe hang out with Chris prior to that. Practice again (?) Thursday and then Serenade Night on Friday. And my first case is due in debate, by Friday. Why so much work at school? Finals week. Next session starts next week. This has been the easiest session of my life. Prepare for the gauntlet.

Title Here

It's been a very full two days. Yesterday I went shopping with Jen and got a lot of really rad clothes. Including a new oversized brown v-necked sweater to replace the blue one that was my trademark and favorite for several years. I don't know what happened to that sweater. I last remember wearing it the day I had my wreck and got a concussion. Perhaps I imagined owning it.

But I named my new sweater. I named it Cooper. And we're dating, me and the sweater. I realized I was talking to it as if it was my boyfriend, "Come here, you. Aww, I've missed you," when I put it on. And I love it so much, so my sweater is my boyfriend. Gah, I'm wierd.

I also got a lifesized and very realistic looking fake owl. It has feathers and everything, it's great. He's perched on top of my computer and his name is . . . . you suggest something.

Last night I went out with Ash and Al and that was lots of fun. For some reason I was really craving a lot of food, I kept asking to go get chinese food or cheesecake or ice cream or cookies or a slushie or a burrito or a donut. Finally we did get some Krispy Kremes, which amazingly the two of them don't like. We went to Super Target, for the second night in a row, and played with the toys. We ran into Kevin there, and I was so startled when I saw him I threw the Elmo I was playing with up in the air and screamed. Why am I so jumpy? Jeez.

Today at church we had about a trillion problems. Somehow it was not communicated to anyone that Craig was not going to be there to play the drums, so when the services started we had no drummer. The guitarist called one of his friends and he showed up mid-service, but it was pretty screwed up. And the guy who was supposed to run the screens didn't show up either so they weren't running. And we didn't realize there wasn't anyone there until halfway through the service. I swear, we should start calling role before we start the service.

After church I had a rehersal for the Serenade Night, which I am MCing and is this Friday night. It's gonna be pretty cool, or rather not cool, but it'll be fun. I mean, choir singing and cheezy mime acts are not exactly "cool" per se, but they're nice. And the kids are pretty good, so I'm excited. I gotta brainstorm with Mr. B on what I'm gonna say, but there are plenty of oppurtunities for humor. I mean, the choir is singing a song about soda pop. A song about soda pop. If you can't make a joke about that, what CAN you make a joke about?

Yeah, I really don't like this telling about my day crap. We're not doing this anymore.

The weblog is descending into chaos.

Toothpaste Picasso 857

I had a pretty ok time last night. We gotta think of some more exciting things to do here in Tulsa besides eating fast food and driving around. Sadly, the river is no longer an option as it is fairly freezing all the time now.

But now it is morning, and I went to bed early so I feel quite refreshed. Good coffee, good yogurt, good "Long Winters" music playing. Good rain falling from the sky, good view of the autumn trees turning colors. My grandfather canceled on me again for dinner. We were supposed to go to dinner tonight, to the fancy Chinese place with the flipping and all, but he has some awards banquet to go to. He's always saying how he's lonely in his old age, but he's about the busiest person I know. He's going to Florida next week, he has ceremonies and meetings and parties to go to all the time because of all his clubs and organizations that he's accumulated over his 80 some odd years.

I'm going thrifting today with Jen. I need so many new clothes. It took me 20 minutes to get dressed the other day because nothing fit me. There's a pile of t-shirts on the floor of my closet that hang enormous on me. My old long sleeve shirts don't fit underneath the few t-shirts that I bought over the summer and do fit me. My old sweaters are either too big or gone. I also need to get some of those thermal thingys. Shop shop shop.

I wish I had a boyfrieeeeend. Some days I'm glad to be independent, but not really because I don't see having a boyfriend as being "dependent". What I mean is, some days I'm fine being alone, I don't even think about it. I'm too wrapped up in school or books or art or music or friends to care. But sometimes, especially at night, I really want a hand to hold and someone who wants to take care of me.

. . . And your love will be warm nights and pockets of moonlight spotlighting you as you drift . . .

Trickings or Treatings? We Are From Russia

It was EXACTLY as Halloween was meant to be. I have never had such a fun Halloween.

First, when Jen, Kayla, Ash, Jill and Karen came over, we rummaged through our basement and through the fun stuff that Jill brought over for costumes for Jill, Jen and I. Kayla went as Meg White from The White Stripes, wore red pants and white shirt, carried drum sticks with her hair in pigtails. Ash was an elf, of course. Karen was costumeless and went as our Mom. Jill pranced around my house for a while in a pink lace skirt, fur wrap and old bucket flapper hat, but then decided just to go as her old standard of a witch. I wore one of Jill's fluffy skirts with my DaVinci shirt, sambas, Sarah's old leather jacket and a pair of fairy wings. It was a fun outfit, I would wear it again.

Trick or treating was the bomb diggity. I haven't been in so long. And Ash and Jen had never been trick or treating, thanks to overly cautious anti-satan parents. I'm pretty sure people gave us less candy because we were older, but thats dumb because we were in costume, and like Kayla said, saying that older kids can't trick or treat is like saying rich people can't shop at thrift stores. Several times we ended up accidentally saying inappropriate things as the people opened the door. Once Jill said, "Who here is a compulsive smoker?" Then at the next house, we said, "Don't smoke!" Later, Jen asked us all, "Whats your porn star name?" right as an old man opened the door. And then someone called back to Karen, "Pervert!" right as the door opened. It was pretty funny. I could barely get out the words, "Trick or treat" through my laughter.

We tried going to the Robert's compound, as in Oral Roberts University. They live in a gated community next to our neighborhood, but we couldn't get in.

Speaking of ORU, on the way back to my house, we passed a little knot of clean cut looking young people in practical clothing standing at the curb. I looked up at the house they were standing in front of and just inside the doorway I saw a ring of people holding hands and my first thought was seance, it being Halloween and all. But then I thought, prayer? Then one of the slightly older looking people looked at me cheerfully and instead of responding to Jill's question of "So what are you guys supposed to be?" she goes, "Hello there!" as we walked past them. I realized, "Prayer, clean cut kids, overly cheerful greetings . . . they're ORU students!"

I screamed and ran away.

We all went over the the Killah House of Fear, which lived up to it's reputation and the stories I'd heard about it, and it was indeed quite creepy and startling and yes, frightening. But I'll leave it to Chris to tell that tale.

After a bit of gas station dance partying, and a little inside the car wash picture taking, and some Taco Beuno eating, Ash, Karen, Kayla and I went to see "The Ring".

Don't see it! Don't! don't don't don't don't unless you really enjoy being scared or you're like Karen and enjoy pulling movies apart. I was so terrified, I cannot believe I saw that movie. Someone owes me a nice big latte or something for me seeing that movie. That would have been nice, to have curled up with a rasberry latte after that movie instead of rushing home to beat curfew. But anyway! The movie! Horrifying, scary as hell. I screamed SEVERAL times, I hid my face for probably most of the movie, my back cramped up from sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees. I am not kidding, I was sobbing in fear at points. At the scariest part I actually had my nails digging into my face. My gracious, I'm reliving it. Stop that stop that. Please don't see that movie, and if you have any heart in you at al you won't make fun of me, or if you've seen it you wont make allusions to it because that is not cool and I'll probably cry. Craig did that to me once and he can tell you, it's just not nice to do.

So it was a really great night, even if I was scared out of my wits. I suppose its a part of Halloween. I got a huge haul of candy ("Can I feel your candy?") and had a lot of fun with some great friends, and I saw the third scary movie I've ever seen and hopefully the last. Happy Halloween everyone!